


Debriefing

by Deannie



Category: The Losers - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, off-screen sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-22
Updated: 2014-04-22
Packaged: 2018-01-20 08:55:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1504385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deannie/pseuds/Deannie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake can get a little "excitable" after nearly being killed. There's only one way to calm him down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Debriefing

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place during the movie, right after Jake steals the algorithm from Goliath Industries.

We picked Jensen up at the front door and took off like a bat out of hell.

I’m wishing we’d made the mother bike back.

“Face down. Or I’ll make your heart stop beating with my mind.”

Fourth time.

“Was that awesome?” Jensen giggles to himself like a little kid. “That was awesome.”

“Look, will you shut up, already?”

I don’t know why Roque tries anymore. Seriously. There’s only one way to shut him up.

“So _that_ was awesome, but Cougar? He was _amazing_! Did you see it?” Jensen reaches up toward the front seat and hits the back of Cougar’s hat. Damn near the only person who can do that without risking a bullet in his brain. “That was amazing, man!”

Yeah. Amazing.

“Is he always like this?” I think Aisha might be a little in awe of PostOp Hyperboy. Clay just shakes his head. Cougar’ll deal with it once we’re back at the compound.

“Well, of course you didn’t see it, because I was up there all alone—as usual. Just Jensen, putting it all on the line with his balls hanging out.” He laughs, high and girly. “Literally—well, almost literally. There were some ladies loving the show in the elevator, let me tell you.”

“Please, man!” I bark. I know I’m always the one saying don’t engage the crazy, but _damn_! “The visuals do not amuse the Pooch.”

“Bet they amuse somebody,” Roque growls from the third row.

“Yup,” Jensen continues, oblivious. “All by my lonesome, taking care of business with no one to cover me. Except for Coug, of course. Always watching my ass.”

Clay snorts and I shoot Cougar a look. It’s true. He is _always_ watching Jake’s ass. Cougar smacks me one on the shoulder and I keep driving.

“You were amazing, man!”

Jensen goes on like that pretty much the whole way back to our palatial estate of shit. We get there not a minute too soon, because I swear Aisha’s gonna slit Jake’s throat in a minute.

“Cougar,” Clay mutters.

Cougar grabs Jake’s shoulder.

“What?” Hyperboy shakes himself out of it for a second and looks into Cougar’s face. “Oh yeah,” he agrees (to what, I don’t know—those two speak their own language), his tone already starting to change to something less obviously crazy. “Yeah, right. Okay. We should probably just…” He turns back to us and whispers, “ _Amazing_!” and then Cougar leads him to their trailer and the door closes on them and he’s gone.

Thank God.

Roque sniffs like he smelled something dead and walks off. He never has understood Jake and Cougar. Well, I mean, none of us understand Jake and Cougar. Me and Clay just acknowledge that it works and move on.

I need a beer.

Aisha looks at Clay, confused as hell. “We’re not going to find out what’s on the drive?”

I toss Clay a cold one and he settles into a chair and waits. “In a minute,” he tells her, drinking down half the bottle in a go.

“Oh, see, yeah. There! Right— _Jesus_! Right there is…”

Aisha stares at me for a second, listening to the sounds of porn suddenly coming from the creaking trailer behind me. Sad to say I’m used to it after all these years so I just kind of tune it out.

“Seriously?” she asks.

“Oh GOD, yeah. Yeah—See, I said it. Man, you are amazing!”

Damn that boy can talk. And loud? He’s louder than Jolene on my best dirty-ass night.

Shit. Now I miss Jolene all over again.

“Damn, Cougar, that is… That’s—”

Aisha sits next to Clay, grabbing a beer for herself. “Is that gonna go on for long?”

“Oh no,” I tell her. “He’ll shut up right about—”

“FUCK! Coug….”

Silence. Ah, blessed, fucking silence. Well, no, the trailer’s still squeaking, but they’ve got to the point where Cougar has effectively cut off all speech processing in the Jensen Unit, as Jake would say.

So I guess there is _fucking_ silence after all.

Aisha waits a minute. I’m thinking she might be impressed again—though with Cougar’s ability to shut Jake’s mouth or their ability to rock the whole damn trailer, I’m not sure.

“So what the hell is that, then?” she asks.

It’s pretty much the question we all asked the first time Cougar saved Jensen’s ass back in Bogota ten years ago.

“Debriefing,” Clay grunts smiling at the now very old joke. Jensen thought he was hilarious the first time he called it that, seeing as he was, you know, de-briefed. Now it’s just one of those words that almost no one remembers the beginnings of.

Like FUBARed. I can’t quite remember what it stands for, except maybe us.

That ain’t enough for Aisha, of course, and since Clay clearly isn’t going to tell the story, I guess I will. Passes the time if nothing else.

“First time, we were in Colombia. We’d been a unit for a little over three months. Now, neither of them said or did anything about it, but we all knew they wanted in each other’s pants.” Roque, being Roque, thought it was disgusting, but whatever. I guess a man don’t get enough booty on his own, he has to hate on them that do, right?

“Jake was hopped up as all hell after that firefight, too. I think it might have been the first time he was under serious threat of death. One of the drug dealers got the drop on him. Had a gun in his face and if Cougar hadn’t’ve made one damn good shot, we’d be missing our favorite geek before we ever got to know him.”

“The first time? I take it he’s younger than he looks?” she asks. This from a girl who’s probably all of twenty-five. Not the years, though, I guess, it’s the number of clips you’ve shot through.

“Not young, just green as hell when he got to us. Spent most of his time before that tracking cybercriminals in his underwear.”

She shoots a wide-eyed look at Clay, who wisely counsels, “Don’t ask.”

“Anyway, almost being killed didn’t agree with him, so he talked. He babbled. Sweet Jesus, you could not shut the fucker up—worse than today, even. I honestly thought Clay was going to take him out back and shoot him.”

“You were honestly close,” Clay says with a grin, starting on his second beer.

“And then Cougar walks up to where he’s sitting, grabs his shoulders and drags him into the jungle like he’s some caveman.” I have to laugh, even now. “All of a sudden Jake’s babbling turns into this, like—” I hook a thumb toward the still-rocking trailer. “Like, porno flick screaming and moaning. Looked like Roque was gonna puke right there.”

Clay cycles one hand while he swallows his drink and nods his agreement. “I think he might have thrown up a little in his mouth.”

“After a few minutes, I don’t know what Cougar does to him—”

“And I don’t want to,” Clay puts in.

“And I don’t want to,” I agree. “But he just shuts up. I mean, they don’t come out of the bush for a good half hour after that, but it’s a good,  _silent,_ half hour.” I grab another beer. “Jensen was cool as could be afterward. Kind of a pattern with them now, in the gun-in-the-face scenarios. It’s loud, but at least it calms Jensen the fuck down and lets him do his job.”

“So are they together the rest of the time?” It’s a fair question. Just not one we’re used to answering truthfully.

But hell, we’re dead, right? Not like the military can do shit to them anymore.

I shrug. “When they're not with anybody else. Works for them, so it works.” I don’t think I need to warn her off pursuing this—she doesn’t seem the type to care who’s screwing who. But we already got Roque and his damn bigotry. Don’t need any more.

She’s silent a long minute, though, and I start to worry.

“They always that loud?” she finally asks, laughter in her voice. That’s good, because, man, we are _not_ gonna fight the battle of who those two fuck right now. Too damn much other shit to do.

Clay laughs and I feel the tension split down the middle and drain away.

“Thankfully, no,” he tells her.

The trailer stops rocking after about fifteen minutes. Damn, Cougar’s getting faster. Pity for them, right?

“Hey, Roque!” Clay stands up, heading to the far side of our little settlement. “Play time’s over!”

“That’s it?” Aisha asks, trying to figure out the world of us Losers.

“That’s it,” I agree. “They’ll be out in a minute—”

Or a second, I revise, as the trailer door bangs open.

“All right, kids!” Jensen calls, Clapping his hands together as he steps out. Looks neat as a pin and perfectly pressed, as my gramma used to say. He can strip and redress faster than damn near anyone—it’s freaky. “Let’s get this show on the road!”

I grin at Cougar as he comes out, lounging on the doorframe for a second and looking too damn satisfied. God, I miss Jolene! Aisha looks from him to Jake and back again as Jake sits down at the table and flips his computer open. “Okay! Who’s got the drive?”

Yeah, it’s all pretty fucked up, Aisha, but like I said, it works.

And with so much else broken all to hell, let’s not mess with what ain’t, right?

 

The End


End file.
